I have become a master painter

Tens of thousands of brushstrokes

All done under the yoke of “not good enough”

The judgement of the world had snuck in-

The dollars and cents value of things

Rotting the core of “my tree”

“My unconditional friendliness towards myself”

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““

Having awakened to this form of my conditioning-

I am no longer a slave to the market place

And declare out loud-that ”I do not sell my art…

It’s a give away”

It was a joy to make …

And by opening the door

The piece will find it’s home …. more easily

Money has been in the way of flow

Money has been in the way of value.

I’m a living experiment.

Life is fascinating.

I prepared the finest delicacies for my friends,

Royalty all – such qualities, as dedication, generosity, and attention to detail.

As we prepare to sell Priscilla’s house come February, a little weary of it all….

It was time for tea- one lump of sugar of two?

Our shared loss, so much better with friends, wondering…

What to do with her books,

Her dishes , her pottery wheel?

We needed to sit in the sound of each others voices

A possible cure for what still ails us.

I drank too much coffee

As I held the container for our grief

But it was my turn to host

And it is new years eve,

Time to celebrate at the shared table

Allowing for spirit to enter and inform us as she will.

I am entitled to my breath

To my well being and while

Laying in my warm bed

I thought of the rufugee

Who has to decide between a blanket and food

And I felt the pressure of this impossible situation.

There is a gravity to our days

Earthlings feel the pain of those in need

It’s the air we breath

It’s the prayer for a reprieve

It’s end of a thought.

“Once we have removed the false programs

and let go of the false emotions connected with them

We experience a wonderful feeling of being in harmony

with ourselves and with the Cosmic whole”( The I Ching)

This is a brave undertaking but absolutely necessary

This is freedom from my own conditioning –

From the “not me” that runs how I think and feel.

Spells have been cast

Those summaries ……-

She’s not that smart, She loses everything

She’s fat ( societies norms- are spells too)

Or the spells I cast-

“He never takes out the trash

Or worse “He doesn’t love me.”

“Men are not to be trusted.”

So many- these spells built of sand

To what- protect me?

Unconscious restrictions on what is possible

And changing even now.

““““““““““““““““““““““““““““

It’s a new year- let each of us

Bravely live in the Self, it’s so much fun.

Some of our old ones

Live so close to the great barrier reef

That place inside each of us

Where the rubber meets the road.

My older sister Jan is like this

Her energy is limited,

So to intrude on it is always a question.

But to hear her voice is a luxury I require

From time to time.

It’s the holiday and I am one of her treads

And she is an entire quilt for me.

I keep her on the phone too long.

I’m too much

Life is too much and it’s also just right

Can we hold the Paradox- The Constant One

( where peace lives)

It’s the Holidays and oh Boy, I am a jumble

Bumble- I walk into the grocery and can hardly function,

Where the tyranny of tempting goodies, abound.

And then there are all the things I can make

Or send-I love to mail gifts and cards….but

Drunk on giving

I stagger and fall.

Face first- onto the wet earth,

She is close to her solstice now

And approves of us falling.

Equal portions of dark and light,

Stubbornly…. I will still fly off

To the busy post office when it opens…

With a box full of wonder ( I’m proud of)

For a family of three in North Carolina.

Having learned from the best……

My grandmother would drive up every year

With a trunk full of perfectly wrapped gifts

And I would stand in absolute awe

Knowing fully in my childhood heart

That magic had come for me.

In any moment of polarity

Having succumbed to emotion- it’s addictive

Shouting” But this is my fundamental truth”

Ready to fight- how silly we are.

Don’t take offense.

But loaded up on drugs ( strong emotion)

While tempting

Does not show restraint

Or the ability to find empathy-

And humanity is suffering.

““““““““““““

Can I engage my passion

With courage and ask my opponent

For this dance-

Weeping with relief

At last I got it right.

Cold hands, cold water-

Eaten clean the beaver sticks rest in motion

Leading the eye up river

As I walk over the bridge… I see art.

It’s winter as we contemplate

Our co- existence with the beaver.

The one who took down the 60 ft cottonwood.

Her winter silage now intact.

The beaver crewed-wood chips

Feel sacred in my hands.

““““““““““““““““““““`

But there are differing points of view

Some of us are tree lovers- some are animal lovers

As we stand In the snowy field, getting cold feet

Listening to the experts who are thrilled by our interest

Our willingness to come together….

We learn that the tree harvesting should lessen

As the beavers shelter.

Everyone spoke, tensions eased- wild as beavers.

C

In June we will reconvene and perhaps decide

To relocate the beaver.

The St Vrain creek has a “zero” habitat rating

But relocation has low odds of being sucessuful.

In our shared existence as species

Maybe it’s just that we show up

And ask the person( or animal) next to us

for this dance and take a spin at it.

I sat with Priscilla’s friend

In the late Sunday shadows,

I didn’t know her well but

We discovered to our horror

That we share a weird, yet persistent conformity…

Embracing the 1950’s model of what it means to be a wife-

Basically to cheer “him” endlessly

Even when your best friend has died

Leaving you cold and wanting of comfort yourself.

What’s wrong with this picture, we found ourselves asking?

It’s all in asking the right question

That the ball of string begins to untangle

Ready to fly her kite come spring.

I thought “What shall write about

This day before Thanksgiving…and I thought

“Choose Peace”

And to the second- an eagle flew to my closest tree

Her white head lite by morning light

Looking out over the river and the field

One with it all and I joined her there.

“““““““““““““““““““““““`

Spirit agrees- peace it is

She and we have a say