Two sticks of butter go into making a pie crust

Not the best food for seniors but it’s nice to have a pie

For afternoon tea- a warm bite for you and me.

Everyday I strive to stay steady ….

Current events (often hard on older people)

Have tipped into a whole new level…

I feel worried like I might be catching something

or trying to catch a hold of something- before

Falling -muttering- “I don’t get it.”

Our generation has had a romance with America

The Beautiful – from Sea to Shining Sea..

The bravery of our civil rights heros

And the Kennedy’s ( so thrilling)

The end of the Vietnam War( protest lead)

Nixon impeached

And President Obama elected.

I’ve been a part of something we were making-

But now

I must trust ( as in God) in a bigger brush

Zen Master ink stroke, my part matters

Invisible me – inviting you- in for tea

And pie- apple.

Into me see ( intimacy)

Spirits co mingle- with a kiss

At the end of the long day

If I’m lucky, cause a kiss can only happen

When the sea is smooth

When I have felt my difficult feelings

On my own – not projecting them

Integrating them in my job- not his

Even though that temptation is there…

70% of the fights between couples are perpetual

They are not resolvable

So hurling myself at that wall is foolish at best.

Self and other.. over and over again

Can we find the kiss at the end of the day

And say job well done?

..

The wind turned every chair up side down

As I stagger in my own up side- downess…

Tea as medicine

Brings revelation to the start of the day.

A reflective glance to the day before

When I held my power in the oldest of stories

I touched the hot coal – I am a women who has given birth

So get out of my way, smaller selves

You have no place here.

““““““““““““““““`

In the final scene in Wicked

Our misunderstood heroine

Gabs her broom and rises

Black cape swirling- singing in the loudest voice

Her right to her power.

We have this inner work to do-

To reveal how beautfully green we are.

Watch me be green.

The cat got a mouse while I was meditating

Leaping with a twist of feline joy

The ballet of the preditor….but

I identified with the fat brown mouse

With it’s fleeting breath and last wiggle

Brown and fat and weary of the fight.

I lite smudge- to assist the mouse ( and me)

To integrate how once again the mystery came in-

Unbidden

The eagle flew to the branch across the river

Staying the whole time I was on the phone

An undeniable spiritual presence

Indicating that the conversation

Was on the right track- a nod to

The divine effort to connect

And fail and wish and want….

Working like a sprout to the surface

To say the most honest thing.

“““““““““““““““““““““`

The I Ching often says “to wait”

And I see this as having to trust

That the intention behind my words

Did sail forth toward the holy other

And find their way in them but it’s

Something I will never know…..

As it is with every creative endeavor.

It was Anne who showed up

To champion her nephew

In the family constellation work he signed up for

Where stangers perform key family members

But no surprise to me that it was Anne because

As in life, she defended us- the young

From the male tyranny in our line.

He didn’t know this about Anne

Until she showed up

In this theatrical enactment

Of the wounded engeries in him.

That were asking for healing.

“““““““““““““““““““““““““`

He’s asked me to send a photo

Of Anne and Jan ( his mother) together.

These two- my older sisters…..

Anne was always the outsider

And Jan was going to go with what was expected…..

A wife and mother with little left over for herself.

Neither had an easy journey according to my view of things.

Anne championed me and Jan mothered me

So I got the best of both..

But oh the costs.

Hard to dip into this river

But this is where healing is.

Dialogue is a way of being with others,

Where the energy of the group

Becomes a living archetype

A shared skin protecting each

Having connected with others

For the intent of the connection alone.

Something magical happens….

The container is a force field and ours

Is weekly tested by one of our particpants

A known ” disrupter” she entered the room

Agitated and ready to shame us

With her terrible tales of world events.

But the shield held, extending it’s arching protection

Over all of us- including the aggressive one.

““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

In a circle of humans, agression fumes and

It makes us work harder then we’d like….

Like the bengali – tea- boy, Pema talks about…..

I’ve got one of those tea boys inside of me

Frowning and ready to fight-

His name is ego and I’m awake.

What if our people on the other side

Live like detectives on a stakeout

Just waiting for the moment when they need to intervene

On our behalf.

This was my experience last night- dreaming

Why was my deceased sister

In a room with no windows-eating take out?

But the bumblebee that was pestering me

Was so disconcerting that I had to call for her help

The intense sound was right in my ear-

I asked her to kill it

( Not very nice of me) but it was an emergency.

Upon waking I discovered two things-

That Anne was there to help me

And that the buzz in my ear was John snoring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was Anne’s 85th birthday

Guarding me still!

Usually the town of Lyons art events are pretty tame

But last night we got the Artist – as in the archetype.

Stoned and way too honest

Raw, unflitered, with his absolute wonder

That an art form found him

Saving his ass from a dark place he referenced.

Rough grace in this wilds of my hometown.

““““““““““““““““““““““““`

I’d seen a coyote that same day

From the edge of the wood.

Seeing a coyote points to wisdom and folly

What joy for me- to see the spirit of coyote

Twice in one day.

The transcendent in us-

Knows how to embrace lifes complex opposites.

While our little selves( the ego who parades as us)

Flail about like fish without water

Freaked out by the constant terrible news

(Which can be seen a spell casting).

Not to say that we aren’t in terrible shape

But if I can’t embrace the messy world as it is

I have a tighness in my belly and a deep weariness

( this should be a clue) but

The the ego snuck up on me yesterday

And my friend got the brunt of it.

She came in disrepair

And instead of taking a breath

And tuning into Higher Power to assist us

I went crazy with one cure after another.

I made her a flower essence and did

An I ching reading- Looked at her human design

Got her to lay down on the Bemer

( with her eyes covered)

Until, she said you look so tired…..

““““““““““““““““““

Of myself I can do nothing

It’s a humble knowledge but what a blessing it is

To ask for help

From that which is beyond – that which has the power.