A friend of mine once asked

“Do you eat cake everyday?”

And I smiled and said “yes.”

I am someone who requires sweetness

In people and on my plate

Or with a cup of tea….

But aging, it seems, is asking for a change of habit

I showed up with high Cholesterol

And baked goods is on the list.

To live well is a call to reform

Making adjustments.

Not sure how this one will go,

Luckily I find it sweet to write to you…..

So take this as a warning……

You may get a blog post everyday.

I did not go to Dialogue today- I feared that

I would have reacted to the trauma in others-

As my own “upset” was kicking up dust.

Time to stay home with the dog at my feet….

And allow the pain to be felt,

Just resting in the experience

Not running off into busyness

I have thought of the ghost dancers

Turning toward, dance, song and spirit.

Now it’s my turn to call upon ghosts

Stomping my feet – finding center

My place on the earth.

Unable to sleep ( the people are shocked and in awe of the terrible)

I reach for an illustrated copy of the I Ching-lovely

As I sit by the fire- reading, sipping Tension Tamer Tea

My mother’s favorite.

Turning to the last Hexagram #64-“Before the End”

“Which can be compared to a lengthy trek

Over a high mountain”

This treacherous mountain of the now

with it’s unknown descent on the other side.

The I ching does have recommedations…

“You must prepare yourself

With wariness and reserve

The coming situation will be strange

To you in every way

Unlike any that you have experienced.

In the near future,

You will not be able to draw

Upon the wealth of your acquired experience,

For in many ways the time will be

Nothing short of a rebirth.”

Creative power forever and ever ( first Hexagram)

Happy Valentines Day- Best Beloveds!

I found myself wanting more of

Someone whose plate was just too full

That they could not “manage “one more thing-

Me.

Perhaps a common occurrence these days

When everyone is traumatized.

Between bites of food – hard to digest

Is there space for true connection?

Lonely _ I returned to the Self

Holding my intrinsic value

Walking in the sun of this winter day

Wearing a hat of many colors

Having kissed each of my small hurts.

Two sticks of butter go into making a pie crust

Not the best food for seniors but it’s nice to have a pie

For afternoon tea- a warm bite for you and me.

Everyday I strive to stay steady ….

Current events (often hard on older people)

Have tipped into a whole new level…

I feel worried like I might be catching something

or trying to catch a hold of something- before

Falling -muttering- “I don’t get it.”

Our generation has had a romance with America

The Beautiful – from Sea to Shining Sea..

The bravery of our civil rights heros

And the Kennedy’s ( so thrilling)

The end of the Vietnam War( protest lead)

Nixon impeached

And President Obama elected.

I’ve been a part of something we were making-

But now

I must trust ( as in God) in a bigger brush

Zen Master ink stroke, my part matters

Invisible me – inviting you- in for tea

And pie- apple.

Into me see ( intimacy)

Spirits co mingle- with a kiss

At the end of the long day

If I’m lucky, cause a kiss can only happen

When the sea is smooth

When I have felt my difficult feelings

On my own – not projecting them

Integrating them in my job- not his

Even though that temptation is there…

70% of the fights between couples are perpetual

They are not resolvable

So hurling myself at that wall is foolish at best.

Self and other.. over and over again

Can we find the kiss at the end of the day

And say job well done?

..

The wind turned every chair up side down

As I stagger in my own up side- downess…

Tea as medicine

Brings revelation to the start of the day.

A reflective glance to the day before

When I held my power in the oldest of stories

I touched the hot coal – I am a women who has given birth

So get out of my way, smaller selves

You have no place here.

““““““““““““““““`

In the final scene in Wicked

Our misunderstood heroine

Gabs her broom and rises

Black cape swirling- singing in the loudest voice

Her right to her power.

We have this inner work to do-

To reveal how beautfully green we are.

Watch me be green.

The cat got a mouse while I was meditating

Leaping with a twist of feline joy

The ballet of the preditor….but

I identified with the fat brown mouse

With it’s fleeting breath and last wiggle

Brown and fat and weary of the fight.

I lite smudge- to assist the mouse ( and me)

To integrate how once again the mystery came in-

Unbidden

The eagle flew to the branch across the river

Staying the whole time I was on the phone

An undeniable spiritual presence

Indicating that the conversation

Was on the right track- a nod to

The divine effort to connect

And fail and wish and want….

Working like a sprout to the surface

To say the most honest thing.

“““““““““““““““““““““`

The I Ching often says “to wait”

And I see this as having to trust

That the intention behind my words

Did sail forth toward the holy other

And find their way in them but it’s

Something I will never know…..

As it is with every creative endeavor.

It was Anne who showed up

To champion her nephew

In the family constellation work he signed up for

Where stangers perform key family members

But no surprise to me that it was Anne because

As in life, she defended us- the young

From the male tyranny in our line.

He didn’t know this about Anne

Until she showed up

In this theatrical enactment

Of the wounded engeries in him.

That were asking for healing.

“““““““““““““““““““““““““`

He’s asked me to send a photo

Of Anne and Jan ( his mother) together.

These two- my older sisters…..

Anne was always the outsider

And Jan was going to go with what was expected…..

A wife and mother with little left over for herself.

Neither had an easy journey according to my view of things.

Anne championed me and Jan mothered me

So I got the best of both..

But oh the costs.

Hard to dip into this river

But this is where healing is.