She nudged me with her snout

Snot on my knee, wet reside of her insistence

I didn’t encourage her

But sitting had given her access

An intimacy we don’t usually have.

I got a little worried as she voiced her enthusiasm

I love her too

But she was going past words now

Leaning aggressively

Her desire to be close got a little scary.

“Oh My” I thought- what do I do?

My friend said “Stand up”

“She can’t hump you if you stand up.”

Even so she’s a tank and a force

And I wanted on the other side of her gate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love is troublesome

And passion deserves our respect

Perhaps even fear …..

But participating in the rites of Spring

On this sunny day in January…

Happy to be loved by a pig of such quality

On the other side of the fence.

S

Dustin has Haven every other day

He’s came over to borrow birthday Candles

And John said “How do you borrow birthday candles?”

He also needed a pan

To make Haven’s mother a cake.

“““““““““““““““““““`

Life is a series of vignettes.

Today I resigned from Taiko Drumming

The perfect balance of subtle support is gone.

The Sensei went corporate

His sweet underlying intention for the Dojo

Torn kites in the wind.

What to do at this juncture?

I’d just gotten the drumming routine down

And that alone is a wonder but not all is lost

I’m a better- broader person for learning Taiko.

It was really fun.

Quiet grey day

Pensive inner quiet-

Resting in “what is”- content.

“““““““““““““““““““““

I’ve been running such a horse race

Trying to out run my grief and it’s been

Helpful to have continued sorting to do.

Priscilla’s papers and keepsakes…..

Sitting on the floor with Michele

Saying I’ll give that to Cathy- or you hold on to that

But mostly we nodded in agreement-

To pitch out the item in question.

Looking through everything is healing

Moving the energy….

I feel like a fully pollinated flower

Dusted with what mattered to her

She’s working on my behalf

A fat bumble bee, I am content.

We can help each other maintain ease-

When the wait is long and we might be a afraid…there is this

Delightful image of “Calculated Waiting”

And these words- so helpful ….

“Quit worrying, relax and try to be happy

For the divination is one of good fortune,

In spite of how things might seem.”

“A period of calculated waiting must pass

Before the cosmos can address itself to your needs,

In essence, it is a difficult time

Since the elements involved are not directly under your control”

Reminding us too-

“Any action would be foolish overreaction

So nourish one another with cheerfulness

And reassurance instead.”

“““““““““““““““““““

Thank you I Ching and artist Lo Ping 1750

This is number five in the I Ching- tomorrow…number 6.

I have become a master painter

Tens of thousands of brushstrokes

All done under the yoke of “not good enough”

The judgement of the world had snuck in-

The dollars and cents value of things

Rotting the core of “my tree”

“My unconditional friendliness towards myself”

“““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““

Having awakened to this form of my conditioning-

I am no longer a slave to the market place

And declare out loud-that ”I do not sell my art…

It’s a give away”

It was a joy to make …

And by opening the door

The piece will find it’s home …. more easily

Money has been in the way of flow

Money has been in the way of value.

I’m a living experiment.

Life is fascinating.

I prepared the finest delicacies for my friends,

Royalty all – such qualities, as dedication, generosity, and attention to detail.

As we prepare to sell Priscilla’s house come February, a little weary of it all….

It was time for tea- one lump of sugar of two?

Our shared loss, so much better with friends, wondering…

What to do with her books,

Her dishes , her pottery wheel?

We needed to sit in the sound of each others voices

A possible cure for what still ails us.

I drank too much coffee

As I held the container for our grief

But it was my turn to host

And it is new years eve,

Time to celebrate at the shared table

Allowing for spirit to enter and inform us as she will.

I am entitled to my breath

To my well being and while

Laying in my warm bed

I thought of the rufugee

Who has to decide between a blanket and food

And I felt the pressure of this impossible situation.

There is a gravity to our days

Earthlings feel the pain of those in need

It’s the air we breath

It’s the prayer for a reprieve

It’s end of a thought.

“Once we have removed the false programs

and let go of the false emotions connected with them

We experience a wonderful feeling of being in harmony

with ourselves and with the Cosmic whole”( The I Ching)

This is a brave undertaking but absolutely necessary

This is freedom from my own conditioning –

From the “not me” that runs how I think and feel.

Spells have been cast

Those summaries ……-

She’s not that smart, She loses everything

She’s fat ( societies norms- are spells too)

Or the spells I cast-

“He never takes out the trash

Or worse “He doesn’t love me.”

“Men are not to be trusted.”

So many- these spells built of sand

To what- protect me?

Unconscious restrictions on what is possible

And changing even now.

““““““““““““““““““““““““““““

It’s a new year- let each of us

Bravely live in the Self, it’s so much fun.

Some of our old ones

Live so close to the great barrier reef

That place inside each of us

Where the rubber meets the road.

My older sister Jan is like this

Her energy is limited,

So to intrude on it is always a question.

But to hear her voice is a luxury I require

From time to time.

It’s the holiday and I am one of her treads

And she is an entire quilt for me.

I keep her on the phone too long.

I’m too much

Life is too much and it’s also just right

Can we hold the Paradox- The Constant One

( where peace lives)

It’s the Holidays and oh Boy, I am a jumble

Bumble- I walk into the grocery and can hardly function,

Where the tyranny of tempting goodies, abound.

And then there are all the things I can make

Or send-I love to mail gifts and cards….but

Drunk on giving

I stagger and fall.

Face first- onto the wet earth,

She is close to her solstice now

And approves of us falling.

Equal portions of dark and light,

Stubbornly…. I will still fly off

To the busy post office when it opens…

With a box full of wonder ( I’m proud of)

For a family of three in North Carolina.

Having learned from the best……

My grandmother would drive up every year

With a trunk full of perfectly wrapped gifts

And I would stand in absolute awe

Knowing fully in my childhood heart

That magic had come for me.