It was Anne who showed up

To champion her nephew

In the family constellation work he signed up for

Where stangers perform key family members

But no surprise to me that it was Anne because

As in life, she defended us- the young

From the male tyranny in our line.

He didn’t know this about Anne

Until she showed up

In this theatrical enactment

Of the wounded engeries in him.

That were asking for healing.

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He’s asked me to send a photo

Of Anne and Jan ( his mother) together.

These two- my older sisters…..

Anne was always the outsider

And Jan was going to go with what was expected…..

A wife and mother with little left over for herself.

Neither had an easy journey according to my view of things.

Anne championed me and Jan mothered me

So I got the best of both..

But oh the costs.

Hard to dip into this river

But this is where healing is.

Dialogue is a way of being with others,

Where the energy of the group

Becomes a living archetype

A shared skin protecting each

Having connected with others

For the intent of the connection alone.

Something magical happens….

The container is a force field and ours

Is weekly tested by one of our particpants

A known ” disrupter” she entered the room

Agitated and ready to shame us

With her terrible tales of world events.

But the shield held, extending it’s arching protection

Over all of us- including the aggressive one.

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In a circle of humans, agression fumes and

It makes us work harder then we’d like….

Like the bengali – tea- boy, Pema talks about…..

I’ve got one of those tea boys inside of me

Frowning and ready to fight-

His name is ego and I’m awake.

What if our people on the other side

Live like detectives on a stakeout

Just waiting for the moment when they need to intervene

On our behalf.

This was my experience last night- dreaming

Why was my deceased sister

In a room with no windows-eating take out?

But the bumblebee that was pestering me

Was so disconcerting that I had to call for her help

The intense sound was right in my ear-

I asked her to kill it

( Not very nice of me) but it was an emergency.

Upon waking I discovered two things-

That Anne was there to help me

And that the buzz in my ear was John snoring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was Anne’s 85th birthday

Guarding me still!

Usually the town of Lyons art events are pretty tame

But last night we got the Artist – as in the archetype.

Stoned and way too honest

Raw, unflitered, with his absolute wonder

That an art form found him

Saving his ass from a dark place he referenced.

Rough grace in this wilds of my hometown.

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I’d seen a coyote that same day

From the edge of the wood.

Seeing a coyote points to wisdom and folly

What joy for me- to see the spirit of coyote

Twice in one day.

The transcendent in us-

Knows how to embrace lifes complex opposites.

While our little selves( the ego who parades as us)

Flail about like fish without water

Freaked out by the constant terrible news

(Which can be seen a spell casting).

Not to say that we aren’t in terrible shape

But if I can’t embrace the messy world as it is

I have a tighness in my belly and a deep weariness

( this should be a clue) but

The the ego snuck up on me yesterday

And my friend got the brunt of it.

She came in disrepair

And instead of taking a breath

And tuning into Higher Power to assist us

I went crazy with one cure after another.

I made her a flower essence and did

An I ching reading- Looked at her human design

Got her to lay down on the Bemer

( with her eyes covered)

Until, she said you look so tired…..

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Of myself I can do nothing

It’s a humble knowledge but what a blessing it is

To ask for help

From that which is beyond – that which has the power.

It’s a conveyance of meaning

As I read the language of the bare branches.

The two touching to make an arch

That eagle sits beneath in the mist …

Can we too arch toward the wayward other

Not easy in early January

When fear want it’s way with us.

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My mother told me to guard my thoughts

A big concept for a child to understand

But I can feel those two tall sentinels

Left and Right that I imagined then and made real.

I have new awarenesses now about my inner helpers

People on the other side, the Sage in the I Ching-

The Loving energy that finds me in the mist.

But mostly it’s that I dig who I am

And that is the short cut to all manner of difficulties.

Like elk droppings – aren’t we all being composted?

Thrown out on the ground like rough jewels

That will assist the next generation….

But only if we honor deeply

That jeweled star that we invisibly are

Activating our particular fractal

So that the nutrients get into the eco system.

Feeding life- effortlessly

A dream come true.

There were a couple of bible stories that made an impression

On me when I was little

All they started with a betrayal

From which one is rescued, essentially by God.

In the tale of the coat of many colors

The father gave the coat to his favored son

Causing such jealosy that his older brothers

Threw him into a well and left him there.

Which began the adventure that was to be his life.

( often it’s-betrayal that begins a real advancement )

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Which leads me to my fathers coat

Which I have had for the twenty years since his death.

But it’s just this year that I have taken to wearing it.

My friend, in her psychic reading

Saw my dad and his protective love….

His coat of many colors

Like a rainbow I feel his presence,

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It’s kind of that phrase- “Wait for it”

Relationships clear in life or beyond it.

Veronica is 85 when her soul delivers a clue

Into her empty life- it whispers Penguins

And hense her transformation begins

But only because she follows it.

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And my favorite movie of all time

Is Where did you Go Bernadette

(with Kate Blanchet)

Her life is falling apart

When her friend delivers this line

“If you are not making your art

Then you are a Menace.”

Again, there is something offered and she takes it…

And the scene of her floating in a small kayak

In the northern waters with iceburgs,

Is so perfect – it is to weep.

It is the starting points in our lives that is pure magic.

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And my final pick

Is the podcast Voices in the River

The most recent episode, The Long Solstice,

Offering a way to enter into Wintering…

But it’s the womens voices that is the gift

Sexy in that their voice belongs to them

Softening the cold that has seeped in.

My sister Jan is a Kahuna

Who was captured by a Bluebeard.

But she has remained staunchly at the helm

Of her much battered boat, all these years.

She and Dad are similar souls which we are all feeling as

She is now moving from her house

After having dug in her heels

For as long as humanly possible.

But my dads last boat is under the house-

Where it has been looking after her,

And like a ghost of Christmas past

A wild spirit is stirring- my Father

Who didn’t defend Jan well enough in life but

Has been entergetically taking care of her all these years

I hope she can feel his fierce love going with her.

““““““““““““““““““““““““““`

The boat is being picked up on the Solstice

(my parents got married on the Solstice in 1938.)

A friend of the family is coming to get the boat

Out from under the house ( so symbolic)

With his twelve year old son, whos boat it will be.

Funny how the boy completes the circle because

My dad started at the age of twelve

The making boats from wood that washed up from Lake Erie

His first boat was black and

He named it Inky Racer.