My Mom and Me

Sitting together in the sun with a stiff sea breeze.

She made it to 98

With joy in her heart- not easy

As I begin to get my toes wet with the reality of growing old.

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Abandoning my frozen car, left on a mountain pass

Too cold to start its old engine.

Insurance micky mouse and towing failure to understand

I’m still working on it

Cold-Days later…….

Oddly I’ve been sleeping better,

Warrior spirit awakened,

We drove back over with a new battery

Which still didn’t get the engine to turn over.

In our youth we had all manner of car escapades

And this adventure has reminded me of how “game” we were

Reminding me that an attitude of

” COME WHAT MAY”

Is my best bet for aging well.

Not easy….

I used to ask my mom to tell me about her difficult feelings

And I find with myself

That it is the liberation of a fear

That sits heavy in my heart

That sets me free to join back in the flow…

Of come what may.

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I recommend,

1 Mediation with Dick Schwartz

Inviting a Part to Speak, on You Tube

I had to deal with the fear of not being as capable

as I once was.

Best Beloveds

The sun breaks upon the high edge of our valley

Solstice alignment is upon us

My not sleeping is getting to be a real thing

My active brain spins like a top.

There is so much information pounding in

From the heavens….

We sensitive types tune in

But without proper training

The maps for humanity may not be getting made,

I am humbled and bumbled this solstice.

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“In Scandinavia, the snow piled so high

In times of old, the Shaman bringing relief

From the long winter plight

Came down the chimney opening

With a dose of mushroom infused reindeer pee

To change the vibe, relieve the stress

Bringing insights through hallucinations.

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Not sure how to wrap this up

I too circle the night

Hunting vision, honoring the effort

Each of us make

Illuminating the darkness

Lighting a small candle

I sing- Best beloveds

I am thankful to participate.

My new friend’s name is Cassandra

“Isn’t that the name of a goddess”

but as if inside an old joke…..she says

“It means a woman of knowledge

An oracle, that no one listens to.”

She shuts her eyes before she speaks

and I listen deeply to the things she shares.

Thrilled like school girls

she is 86 and I am 72.

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As I write this I am reminded of a story

I heard long ago….

Dale worked Thursday nights at a church

Laundry and food for homeless folks

When a sweet blind woman stopped coming

He found out that a local hospital

Had given her a room because they had

Another elderly blind woman

So the two could share a room.

As the two ladies talked

They discovered that they had been best friends

At the age of ten.

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“Ah sweet mystery of life at last I found you”

John’s sculpture above –

Full moon tonight!

I called Julie Blackbird,

To communicate with my Cat, Merlyn.

And in the quiet calm of intuitive space she said-

” He’s stubborn”

He has been peeing on the furniture

That’s why I called her!

She said to put chicory flower essence

In his water and try giving him a second cat box.

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She also said that he doesn’t know how to express

His emotions in a positive way.

(Do I?)

Relationships are excessive

Requiring insight and diligence and patience

And in the case of my cat, on going-in-depth communing.

It’s a growth point for me that is being offered….

Unfortunately there are no shortcuts,

Can I up my game and do my part?

Working on all fronts-

I’m spraying the clean slip covers with peppermint oil!

This challenge is yet another call to consciousness

But it’s Nip and Tuck!

A Poem from Rilke( Book of Hours)

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She who reconciles the ill- matched threads

of her life and weaves them gratefully

into a single cloth-

its she who drives the loudmouths from the hall

and clears it for a different celebration

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where the one guest is you

In the softness of the evening

it’s you she receives.

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You are the partner of her loneliness,

and unspeaking center of her monologues.

With each disclosure you encompass more

and she stretches beyond what limits her,

to hold you

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sweet heart sweet heart sweet heart

She’s humming your name

humming your name, humming your name

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And Thank You Nancy Pelosi

for being our First woman Speaker of The House!!!!

I opened an illustrated,

Gospel of Mary Magdalene

An illumined text for times of need….

(Created by me for my future self)

And today- I am renewed by her wisdom!

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“After saying this, The Blessed One

greeted them saying:

“Peace be with you- may my Peace

arise and be fulfilled within you!

Be vigilant and allow no one to mislead you

by saying:

“Here it is! or

“There it is!

For it is within you

that She dwells.

Go to her

for those who seek her, find her;

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She is calling upon us to become fully human.

Like a spider I spend my nights

Weaving the Web ( of the World)

Somebody has to do it 😊

And when I told John that I’d been awake since 2

He said, “Sleeping is for Losers”

John is the master of the flip!

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We’d gone that day to a gathering

For our bestie, Gary La Croix,

Held at his sister’s place in Boulder

She had made a day of the dead shrine to him…

A sugared skull, paper flowers and there was his face,

The face of the beloved.

John, Gary and I

Three intrepid travelers

Untying the knots is our heads

By investigating the complete dis- logic

of The Course In Miracles,

Which makes no sense

To the “normal” way we see things….

( as a limited separate body, suffering something that doesn’t exit)

Maybe it’s because of my advanced age

But suddenly I understand what the Couse was pointing to

Essentially it’s a FLIP.

Something like, Stand of your Head

and know that your Heart is the only thing with a Beat!

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Painting is Gary’s and these are his Chosen Words.

” Everything outside is only a perception of my mind

I am willing to release

my attachment to the expectation,

to the way I think it should work,

I release control!!!!!!

light in the tunnel

Tunnel of light

where I saw my dad

looking so fine.

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I added another green box around a Thursday

on the calander

Marking the weekly fight

Two champions- John King and Sally

Picking up the pieces ( of my heart or is it only habit)

I say” Let’s see if we can go an extra day next week?”

Little steps for little feet

Not to be discouraged…

Any attempt at consciousness is a major win.

We old ones have seen it all- the long game

How no one ever wins

But the screwed wiring ( in each of us)

That was always there… is still there.

Talking to a friend, sharing the burden ( of living a life)

She said “You see old sweet couples

and you know everyone who sees them thinks

that they never fight. HA!

Outward Bound was created

To keep young men from drowning.

During WWII, when their ships went down,

Too many were drowning.

This seems like pertinent information

As we weather our own rough seas.

So when you are tossed into the deep

Take off your clothing- it’s weighing you down

( As in- Drop Your Baggage)

And let yourself sink below the surface

Resting there in the quiet

And when you need a breath

Kick back up to the surface

For a breath

Only to go back into the quiet

Of the sea below.

Through the long night

Breathing and not breathing

In the Great Ocean.

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